How to Be a Safe Supporter: 7 Gentle Ways to Help Someone Experiencing Abuse

When someone you know is living with abuse, it can be hard to know what to say or do. Many of us worry about “getting it wrong” — and that fear can keep us silent. But support doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

At Time to Heal, we believe healing happens in community: through steady, respectful kindness, and through practical help that puts a survivor’s safety and choices first. Here are seven gentle, real-world ways you can show up.

1) Start with belief — and keep it simple

If someone shares what’s happening at home, the most important first step is to believe them.

• “I’m really glad you told me.”
• “I believe you.”
• “This isn’t your fault.”

You don’t need the perfect words. You just need to be steady.

2) Prioritise safety over curiosity

It’s natural to want details, but questions can feel overwhelming — and in some situations, they can increase risk if a perpetrator monitors messages or calls.

Try asking:

• “Is it safe to talk right now?”
• “How would you like me to contact you?”
• “Is there a safer time or place to check in?”

3) Offer choices, not instructions

Survivors often have their choices restricted for a long time. Being told what to do — even with good intentions — can echo that loss of control.

Instead of “You need to leave,” try:

• “What feels safest for you right now?”
• “Would it help to talk through options together?”
• “I can support whatever you decide.”

4) Be practical in small, doable ways

Support is often most helpful when it’s specific. Consider offering:

• A lift to an appointment or a safe place
• Childcare for an hour while they make calls
• A spare phone charger, pay-as-you-go SIM, or a safe place to store copies of documents (only if they want this)
• A regular check-in message using agreed wording (for example, “How’s the cat?”)

Small actions can reduce isolation and increase options.

5) Help them connect to specialist support

You don’t have to hold this alone. Specialist services can help with safety planning, housing, legal options, emotional support, and advocacy.

If they want, you can:

• Sit with them while they call or email a service
• Help them find local support (and write down details so they don’t have to keep searching)
• Offer to go with them to an initial appointment

6) Stay consistent — even if they can’t leave yet

Leaving can be a process, not a single moment. People may return, pause, or change plans for many reasons: safety, finances, children, immigration status, fear, love, or hope. None of that means they’re “choosing” abuse.

A message like “I’m still here, and I’m not judging you” can be life-changing.

7) Look after yourself, too

Supporting someone through abuse can be emotionally heavy. It’s okay to seek guidance from a specialist service yourself — especially if you’re worried about immediate risk. You’ll be more helpful when you’re supported, grounded, and clear on what you can offer.

A note about emergencies

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 999. If you can’t speak, you can use the Silent Solution (press 55 when prompted) to indicate it’s an emergency.

We’re here — and you’re not alone

If you’re reading this because you’re worried about someone, thank you. Your care matters. Communities change when ordinary people choose to be safe, steady supporters.

If you’d like to learn more about our programmes, volunteer opportunities, or how to donate to support survivors on their healing journey, please get in touch with Time to Heal. Together, we can create spaces where people are believed, supported, and safe.